“Borderlands” by Mr Riddler

Riddle me this: What is the situation? I am afraid to go home because the man in the mask is there… It’s a game of baseball.

The catcher is wearing a mask and you do not want to go to home plate. OR you’re playing Borderlands where every enemy is wearing a mask and you can’t go anywhere until you’re a higher level.


What I Expected
I saw the cover of this little bad boy during a sale at Best Buy. (Yes I do get out of the Asylum for maybe 30minutes at a time if I want to.) There was a sale where you buy 2 games and you get a 3rd one free. I was there with Ragdoll and we were looking for games to play together. Uncharted 2, Awesome! Brutal Legend, Sweet! Borderlands? No no, Let’s not get a co-operative game let’s get a scary one instead that sounds like a good idea. So we bought Saw. MotherF***in Saw! I’ll post a review for that if I can ever bring myself to pick up the piece of garbage again, but Borderlands had gone unplayed. The longer I looked at the box on shelves from then on I couldn’t help but feel it calling to me, so when Ragdoll bought me the game, like the awesome ball of best girlfriend ever that she is, I ripped open the wrapping and drug my PlayStation 3 to the nearest LCD screen. As it turns out though this game isn’t really girl friendly despite having a girl character. (Perhaps it was a good call on the Saw game Ragdoll. At least we played it together even though it did leave us in enraged tears.)

What We Got
Borderlands reminds me a lot of playing through a few of those online MMORPG games that I used to play when I was locked in solitary confinement with a computer doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft for 22 hours straight and other online games that don’t actually require me to have human interaction but still encourage it. It has all the basic RPG elements: Repeating character of varying levels, larger characters of the same type but with colored names, a variety of assault rifles, sniper rifles, shotguns, SMGs, etc. that are dropped at random with varying stats, money collection and quests, but you can play it alone. Which I did for a short while before realizing this may be more fun if I had friends….. Well it would be nice wouldn’t it. The classes in the game are each unique in their own way ans visually they’re designed to be rather appealing. There’s Roland The Soldier which is my personal favorite class. This class specializes in machine guns and shotguns, and like all other classes, he’s got a special ability. Launching a turret that shoots things for me. The lazy man’s class… ah. The next class is Mordecai The Hunter, Silence’s favorite class. He’s the sniper class who specializes in rifles and basically anything that has a scope. Oddly enough his special is to throw birds at things. Brick the Berserker is a class that I can also enjoy seeing as he specializes in shotguns as well and is the tank character in a lot of cases. He specializes in punching the shit out of stuff. Last but not least is the Siren, who stealth but that’s a little odd in a first person shooter game. None the less she has the ability to turn invisible and stock, assassinate or stun enemies in support style combat. a great variation of abilities from class to class, however, that’s really all that separates them. For instance, is you’re playing as the Hunter but would much prefer a shotgun, you can equip and use it. After using the gun enough, your proficiency will raise and you can become just as good as one of the Berserkers or Soldiers. A nice enough feature I suppose, but it does seem to take away from the theme of teamwork that carries with a co-operative game. At that point, who doesn’t everyone just pick soldier and we’ll be playing Halo again.
The story on the game is relatively simple. There’s a treasure somewhere around here, here’s a gun, go find it. Also there’s an angel or something trying to help you find it. It’s all really loose and the game almost seems to lose track of it at times. In fact a good deal of the game is just getting people to like you enough until they introduce you to the next person and doesn’t deal with the big treasure, or “vault,” at all. The controls are pretty sounds since they don’t stray away from the model that Halo created years ago. Shoot, punch, aim, reload, repeat. Borderlands doesn’t really seem like a game that can stand alone, unfortunately but that’s why I have a multiplayer section review! I knew there was a reason I added that on here…


After I was given this game, I drug my PS3 over to Ragdoll’s place to play it with her, but she had work to be done so I instead decided to start playing on my own. Low and behold I didn’t get very far in before her brother comes in to join me so I started playing this game, I assume, in the way it’s meant to be played. With friends. I have to say that it did get exponentially better. We work as a team, share kills, share weapons. Great now I can get into the groove of 4 player co-op online. Surely it’s going to be a much better experience. No, I’m pissed a guys next to me for taking everything away including my kills and I’m competing with him every step of the way because, dammit this is my game and I’m supposed to be the higher level. Yes, I’m a whinny cynical bitch. So let’s recap, Borderlands is a game that’s not really meant to be played as 1 player, but cannot be played online because of all the jerks, and should only be played with your friends who you know will be able to actually work as a team. Gah! Here’s my problem with competitive co-op games. I have a love/hate relationship with the things. Take Turtles in Time for instance. This is co-operative play at it’s finest. I’m killing foot soldiers left and right with my friends, we’re all different turtles and I’m reliving a television show that I loved to death as a child, but then there’s the pizza health power up. Who gets it? It should go to the player with the lowest health, but no. One of your friends is an Asshat. You know the kind and you’re friends with one of them. He’s at full health uses all of the continues and takes the damn pizza. Well this is playing Borderlands with other people especially online. This is why I stopped playing online games. Why you gotta be like that Internet? Why? Final thought on the multiplayer. For those of you that have 3 roommates that love to play games together and have 1 ps3, this game does not have 4 player support on a single console. I have to ask why? I mean I get now you have to buy 2 copies and another PlayStation to play with your friends which means more money pumped into the machine to fuel the CEO’s Money, cocaine and hooker addiction, but show an ounce of humanity, people. In fact, reader, you should write your local congressman and let him know that something needs to be done. And while you’re at it, let him know to have the Riddler released from Arkham Asylum!

If you have siblings or Roommates this game should be great for you to play on console, and if you’ve got a lot of friends on steam that have this game it’ll be great for you to play on PC, but if you’re used to playing alone or playing games through for the enjoyment of the story this game is not for you at all. The story is incredibly loose and weak and it’ll take way too long to jump from each story element to another. 

Overall Rating

That’s right buy it, if you’re in a situation where you have the friends that want to play it. It’s a game that’s great for LANing with friends and something that you will probably love to continue playing as long as you’ve got people to play it with. If you’re a shut in with no one but yourself for miles around and have no friendly human interaction then you may just want to forget this one, or you can buy it to and become another one of those Asshats I play with online.

Feel Free to leave me a comment down below and let me know what you think, if you enjoyed the game or what you want me to review next. I’ll pay attention. After all, you are my only reader.


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