“Quantum Theory” by Mr Riddler

Riddle Me This what do you call a Gorilla with a Banana in each ear?

Anything you want He can’t hear you. And since Syd from Quantum Theory is a Gorilla with a bullet in each ear I call him a no pants, one eyed DOUCHEBAG!

What I Expected
I believe that I’ve mentioned before that I get my games from Gamefly. Best part is that I don’t have to waste money on games that are going to be terrible or that I know are going to be terrible. Worst part is that Gamefly can actually take an insane amount of time to get me a game. Also when I look I can see what other Users have rated the game which will sometimes affect my opinion of the game. In this case, Quantum Theory is a game where I happened to glance at the Gamefly rating of 4.4. So I’m not expecting too much. Also I haven’t seen anything about Quantum theory; not even as much as a commercial. So the publisher hasn’t even attempted to build that much hype and the website were I rent games is telling me that I shouldn’t rent it… Has gamefly been wrong before? Yes. It said that Modern Warfare 2 is rated at a 9 out of 10 and if that isn’t crap that’s been gift wrapped then I don’t know what is. None the less, I’ll sometimes take the Gamefly rating to heart. Quantum Theory, here’s your chance to prove me and Gamefly wrong. Hit me with your best shot.

What We Got
What we got is a steaming pile of mediocrity. You play as Syd, the most badass pheasant mother plucker who’s ever plucked a mother pheasant. Case in point: during one mission you’re tasked to hold the infect army off while a bomb blows a hole through a door. After the bomb goes off there isn’t even a scratch, so Syd punches it and it opens… Syd has become the badass that he is because he’s been fighting through this war of mysterious infection towers that turn soldiers into… weird zombie… green… soldiers… Point is they kill all other humans. Naturally, Syd also teams up with a hot mysterious girl that can kick as and is affected by jiggle physics despite being coved in metal armor.
Syd is the kind of character that not created for us to connect to, but instead to live a “I wish I could do that” experience though. He’s surrounded by death to the point where he doesn’t even care any more and instead gains and drops NPC characters like dirt. Which raises another point that I wanted to complain about. At what point did being an asshole make you cool?
This game is the very basic and I mean dead basic third person shooter that we see today. Shoot, hide behind cover, get enemy weapons that are shotguns, get enemy weapons that are machine guns, get enemy weapons that are rocket launchers. blah blah blah. It even takes the fun out of experimenting with the gun to see what it does by straight up telling you, “Impulse / Shotgun.” Honestly, this was a game that was difficult for me to finish just because I got so bored with eh game play. The settings are in the post apocalyptic world that they have set up for me due to the infection that comes along with the towers and the towers look all nice and organically disturbing but the game brings nothing new to the table. I would feel more interested in just playing Gear of War again instead of playing Quantum Theory seeing as gameplay wise they’re the same game. Except with shitty dash and platforming jump sections.


This game really did make me so… bored. I haven’t found a game this hard to finish in a long time. I even managed to play all the way through Grease but not this. Then again Grease had the whole only taking an hour to beat thing running for it. At the end of the day, Quantum Theory may be enjoyed by someone who’s really likes the generic shooter that likes evil asshole protagonist antiheroes. In other words, the Lowest Common Denominator. Which I’m sure is their Target Audience.

Overall Rating:

Feel Free to leave me a comment down below and let me know what you think, if you enjoyed the review or what you want me to review next. I’ll pay attention. After all, you are my only reader.

4 Responses to ““Quantum Theory” by Mr Riddler”
  1. Nudelsalat says:

    great review!! i really enjoyed it :)

  2. Hitchcock says:

    good review! keep em coming

  3. HTT says:

    nice review, thanks !

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