Top 9 “Pretty Good” Horror Films
Top 9 Mediocre Horror movies still worth watching!
As I am your Leader, it is very important that i shield my comrades from the smut that this world attempts to ruin your honest gullible minds with. Much of this smut comes from the insipid country laughably called Hollywood, who time and time again have attempted to poison the minds of my comrades, and time after time I as Your Leader have defended my comrades from this corrosive poisonous media, be from the genres of Drama, Comedy, or Horror. But today I will address the more benign works of this corruptive land, specifically from the latter of these genres: Horror.
Comrades, horror is a genre that many find shame in their admitted appreciation of it, but I assure you that so long as you follow my instruction you have no reason for this shame. True horror and by extension Horror films are both an entertainment spectacle, and educational. Horror helps us to realize what darkness we see in ourselves and does well to relieve the pain of these despairs so that the world does not swallow us up. But often these Hollywood horrors are made over-saturated with story elements far to similar to other better works, relying on cheap surprise tactics and gratuitous amounts of gore to shock, confusing shock to be genuine emotion, they lack the skills of the written word, or engagement of fine acting. All these crimes my comrades are unforgivable and that is why many of these films have been banned by your Great Leader K! And while i prefer my comrades to always view intelligent and educational works I understand that many are not strong enough (at least not yet). They need to escape from their proper duties to refresh their minds. That is why i have comprised a list of works that while being less than what is necessary to stimulate the minds of my good comrades, are if nothing more: acceptable. The list is composed of nine decent movies. Why nine? Because there aren’t ten worth naming!
9. Final Destination 2
This piece is a part of one franchise that breaks every rule of my formula. All four of the “Final Destination” films are cursed with uninspired dialogue, acting, and story with their only saving grace being the unique premise, but even that point has been taken away with the latter films attempts to extend the rules of their premise to the point of becoming ridiculous even within its own reality. It is only the second of these four films that succeeds in entertaining (if for but a short time) despite itself. While its wrong doings are the same as its fellows, one gets the sense from watching that Final Destination 2 holds itself to a lower level and thus the low expectations one has going in are curved up just enough to forgive and watch the film regardless.
8. Diary of the Dead
As your Leader, and commander the idea of an immortal legion of zombie soldiers is an exciting one, but as our lead scientists have yet to accomplish this task, we must explore the idea in other mediums. If Romero’s Dawn of the Dead was the top of the mountain than most everything else he did was the long fall back down. Diary of the Dead is neither a step up or down, but can be equated more to a neutral foothold and as such it is much more preferable to the fall down. Its ideas are bankrupt, but there remains just enough charm that a single viewing would not be detrimental.
Another film that is all to forgettable, Surviving solely on the performance of Comrade Shannon who with his great talents brings life to a film that would be unwatchable without him. His acting is the only reason to see this film, but that is still a pretty good reason.
6. The Hills have Eyes (Remake)
A grotesque mindless film remade from lower budget grotesque mindless film. It is films like these that choose to interpret the word “Horror” as horrific (blood, bones, and sinew) rather than horrifying (questioning, and disturbed). Horrifying movies can have gore to elevate the situation, but gore alone is meaningless and dull. This remake is a perpetrator of this cheap ploy, but it urns a spot on this list for being genuinely entertaining in the shallowest of ways. It dose well enough in making you hate the villains that when our main characters fight back one can find it fun to see the bad guys get what they deserve.
5. The Crazies (Remake)
Another remake of an old mediocre film. I could say that is film improves upon everything the original presented, but that isn’t much of an accomplishment. While the story plays out predictably, the acting is a higher class than most movies of this caliber, and the pacing is brisk enough that the film is never dull. Its is a perfect way to spend an hour and a half if you have nothing better to do, (but you should have something better to do…).
4. Secret Window
The story is taken from Stephen King’s Secret Window, Secret Garden, and is very much loyal to its paperback counterpart. Secret Window, like all the films that come up later on this list is a good movie that could have been much better, usually because they are only missing one thing each. Secret Window has an interesting story and the two mains are both well acted and interesting, it is easy to re-watch and can be even more fun with a group of comrades. Yet it remains lacking in certain areas that ultimately causes it to slip from memory time in and time out. The main issues are the lack of things to do for any of the supporting characters, something the book had a problem with as well but still did better. The other problem is the films lack of any real edge, which by listening to the director’s commentary I can draw blame to no one but the director himself. For all it does wrong it does just a little more right and can be a good escape from your daily duties that i as your Leader have assigned. That said, “GET BACK TO WORK!!!!
As it turns out Identity is a good movie indeed, at least up until the last scene. A literal psychological thriller that is both thought-provoking and fun. What holds it back are several predictable and silly death scenes, and only about half of the cast is any good at all. It won’t waste your time especially if your time isn’t all that valuable…
Silent Hill the movie. Yes there was already a Silent Hill movie (Soon to have a sequel), but that film was a detriment to its source material. And while the source material for 1408 may be Stephen King, this film is so obviously Silent Hill, which in this case is a good thing. 1408 competently brings to life all the themes of Silent Hill and creates its own story that is believable and engaging. There is nothing wrong with this film per say, but the games of Silent Hill (1, 2, and 3) still do a much better job of conveying the same messages, trauma, and emotion. So if you are a lout and have decided not to play the far more intelligent and genuine games, than this might actually be a really good film to you, but your still just a lout.
1. Drag Me to Hell
All good People like the Evil Dead Trilogy and all bad people like the Spider-Man Trilogy. Its seems odd that one man can create three inspired works of comedy and horror and then go and make three harshly stupid and sadly boring super hero flicks. After the debacle that was Spider-Man 3 Comrade Raimi decided to come back to the right side of society (The side of The K!) and create another dark horror comedy. He succeeded, and yet the film itself did terrible business and became a tragic disappointment. But that was before the days of Leader K’s guidance, and now that “our” power is on the rise we will fly into the heavens and give Comrade Raimi’s Drag Me to Hell the opportunity it deserves. I your-Leader-now declare that Sam Raimi’s Drag me to Hell IS……..pretty darn good!!! Now go my comrades and seek with a decent amount of effort this better than average forgotten film. FLY!!!!
And now that your great Leader K has composed this list you may go. Seek out these forgotten films, or don’t, that is an order!!